1.) What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
2.) I want to invent a sarcasm font. I think a lot of fights could be avoided that way.
3.) Rocking out to a lame song in your car, then rolling up the window when you pull to a stop light so no one sees how much of a dork you are.
4.) Part of a best friend’s job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
5.) Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not very smart, but I’m imaginary smart.”